Its a virtue, so I’m told. One I find myself constantly returning to. Patience for life, for travel, for work, for play. I get so caught up in the what’s to come, what I will for myself, that I lose my presence in the moment. I want to do this, I want to do that. This hasn’t worked out for me now so when will I be able to squeeze it among all the other things I want to do. What of these things will I regret if I don’t get the chance to do them? Why is turning 30 such a pivotal point for these feelings to surface? Is it because I feel as though my life has not followed the regular sequence?  Where is my husband? Where is my child? Where is my home? And while I certainly had the opportunity to travel, did I really make the most of it?

Did I really make the most of my twenties?

A question I’m sure an older version of myself will be able to answer. It’s the thing that gives me the most angst these days. How can I do more, because maybe I haven’t done enough. How can I be more free, less tied down yet still advance in the career I love so dearly. How can I make a difference for all and look after my own desires? Can I have both? Can I have it all?

^{Exmouth above sea level. Just wait until you experience the wonders below.}

When I think of past decisions, past forks in the road and the choices I’ve made, I feel my heart begin to beat faster. I feel a weight on my chest and an energy enter my veins between my scapula and spread to the edges of my shoulders. There it lies, constricting, releasing, constricting again. I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and while I feel the beat of my heart slow and the weight on my chest lift, the shoulders remain tense.

I come back to patience. Things will happen as they are meant to. And everything has happened for a reason, a reason that hindsight only ever explains.