Is there anything more certain, more clear than a one-word answer followed by a period? Ironically, I pose the question to myself.

That’s what he said. I had told him it would be beautiful to see him again. He replied, “Yes.” I wonder if he felt the energy from across the seas. If, in that moment his body buzzed as mine did. A racing heart, a temperature rise, an involuntary and unmistakable internal smile that inevitably found its way to the exterior. It’s hard to explain, the feeling in that moment. One of excitement, and one of nervousness.

I’ve not been able to get him out of my head for the past 12 months. He’s come to me in so many different ways. Interactions I’m having with other men, I can’t help but compare them to him. His advice still rings so loudly in my ears, I yearn for more. I yearn for his touch, his beard between my thighs. I want to see him. I want to know, is it still there? Those moments we shared seemed so real, incomparable to anything else I’ve ever experienced.

He wrote a book once. The protagonist fell deeply for a character with an uncanny resemblance to myself. His words were so carefully crafted, articulated, curated. A world that played out once upon a time in Mexico. He has this knack, this ability to tap into the world below the surface, profundito. He believes in himself, his purpose, more so than anyone I’ve met. 

So, where do I fit into all of this? After saying goodbye to follow another. Is it still there? I wonder if the answer would be the same. Yes.